I had fully intended to maintain a bi-monthly schedule with this blog, as I feel like that’s more manageable than weekly, so of course circumstances have prevented me from fulfilling this obligation to myself. Specifically, depression. I was in my early 20s when I was diagnosed with severe depressive disorder, general anxiety disorder, and post-traumatic stress disorder. As you can probably guess, all of these take their toll on my mental health, making it difficult to get even the simplest of things done at times. Mostly, it prevents me from being inspired enough to write.
I know there are authors who will probably say that you just have to push through it. Well, I’m glad that that approach works for them. It does not work for me. The last time I tried to force myself to write, I hated it so much that it made me spiral even further into a depressive state. Sometimes you just have to work with your mind and body.
That being said, I have managed to claw my way out of this most recent spiral.
Something that I like to do before every writing session, whether I’m sprinting or just taking my time, is journaling. I have a special oracle deck that I purchased which help to manifest success. They have affirmations, and it really helps me draw inspiration before I start working.
I bought this journal specifically to write down all of the affirmations. It’s really helped to look back at what I wrote even just a month ago and see how excited, fulfilled, and inspired I was, and it’s just something that helps remind me why I’m dedicating so much time and effort into my career.
Like many other authors, I have dreams of making a bestsellers list. I want to be able to make a living off of telling stories, the one passion that’s remained consistent throughout my life. Sometimes doubt gets the best of me. I am always my own worst critic.
But overall, I love the story ideas I come up with. I write the stories that I desperately want to read.
It’s a fine balance between writing as an art and writing as a business, and I’m still struggling to find that balance, but I feel much better about aiming for my goals now than I did last month. I’m hoping to get back into a bi-monthly blogging schedule, but I will be giving myself grace when my mental health diminishes like this. 🙂